The Battle Rages On

I decided to take a temporary news radio hiatus. I decided to take time out and pray. I decided to draw nearer to God and to quit being foolish, lazy, and regressive. The first few days were great, refreshing, uplifting even. Then came hardship.

The past few days I've been feeling like the world is collapsing all around me. I have no will power. I'm emotionally drained. I'm physically drained. I want to do nothing but eat and sleep. I feel like I'm wearing a suit much resembling what an astronaut wears but it's made entirely of depression. Today I did not pray. I did listen to news radio. I ate sugar (way too much sugar). I drank caffeine for the third day in a row! I haven't done any form of exercise. I can't stop thinking about consuming junk. I feel like the biggest loser (not in a good way) that I could possibly succumb to being. Right now it seems that killing someone wouldn't pull me any lower than I currently am.

I know you've heard this all before. I do however have more to add. I was sulking a few minutes ago, feeling all of the above loserness and I heard a little voice say that "it's all just part of the cleansing." WHAT!!!

I'm the one who decided that I had started walking the wrong way. I was slowly wandering away from God. I began embarking upon this path of selfishness. So then I said, "wait... idiot... fool... you need to turn yourself around and get back on track." That sounds all hunky dory peachy kean but apparently getting back on track takes some work. Every time I try and draw nearer to God my flesh pulls with 5 times more might in the other direction. As I mentioned I was wondering to myself why I've been SOOOOO miserable and I realized a few things. One: the devil does not want me to draw near to God. He's gonna do anything in his power to keep me from getting back on track. Two: Drawing closer to God means relying on God. When I "need" sugar all I really need is God. His grace is sufficient. When I have to have caffeine all I really need is God. His grace is sufficient. When I'm exhausted and drained and just can't go on all I really need is God. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I'm not going to blame God for this awful fleshy battle that I'm failing miserably at right now but I have just realized that there are only two ways through it. I can rely on all those things that I adamantly do not want to be apart of my life (sugar, caffeine, retreating to sleep) or I can rely on God. His grace is sufficient!

Now that I've figured all that out: LOOK OUT TOMORROW here I come! This is going to be all sorts of craziness.